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LGBTQ+

Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin
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Our Bodies are Already Ready 495 401 cj

Our Bodies are Already Ready
Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin

Our Bodies are Already Ready

By Jay Baldwin

Summer is upon us, which for many of us brings up images of splashing in the ocean, relaxing by the pool, and soaking up the sun. But every year right before summer, the inevitable shadow is cast upon this otherwise bright season. “Are you beach body ready?” the ads ask us. “Get yourself ready for bikini season!” From magazines, to diet ads, to many other kinds of media, the message is clear: Only certain kinds of bodies are acceptable, desirable, and appropriate for summer, and if we don’t have one of those kinds of bodies, we need to get them “ready”

The Ideal Body Type?

The “ideal” body type in our culture is typically one that is white, cisgender, thin, and able bodied. Messages like this are rooted in patriarchy, misogyny and racism, and have perpetuated a great deal of harm toward people of all genders. Queer and trans bodies, which have been historically othered and positioned as less than compared to their straight and cisgender peers, are impacted by these messages in very specific ways. Not only is there pressure to “get one’s body ready” from an aesthetic standpoint, there is the actual process of moving through the world and buying a swimsuit that can be very challenging for many LGBTQ+ folks, particularly transgender, non binary and any individual – trans or cisgender – who is gender non conforming.

Swimwear can perpetuate the Gender Binary

Swimwear and bathing suits are almost always gendered pieces of clothing that perpetuate the gender binary – the idea that there are only two genders (men and women) and that there are “acceptable” or assumed ways that boys/men and girls/women will dress. They also emphasize certain body parts that can cause trans, non binary and gender non conforming individuals to experience gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is term that describes unease, discomfort or anxiety – sometimes severe –  that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex characteristics and their gender identity. A day at the beach or the pool, one that we associate with fun, carefree times, can be a deeply uncomfortable experience, or one that is avoided altogether, for anyone who cannot find swim wear that is comfortable, affordable and affirms their gender identity and expression.

For trans, non binary and gender non conforming youth who are just coming into their identities and their bodies, this can be a particularly vulnerable time as we head into summer. These youth may be in various stages of coming out and/or in gender transition. They may wonder “Is it safe to present as my chosen gender in a swimsuit? Will I be able to use the correct changing room without being harassed? Will I be misgendered if I wear one kind of bathing suit versus another?”

Affirming Support can make all the difference

If an LGBTQ+ child or teen needs support and help finding a bathing suit, an affirming adult can make all the difference. Let the LGBTQ+ youth in your life know that you know this is not an easy experience, and that they deserve to feel comfortable and happy in their bodies, no matter what they are wearing. It is also important to emphasize that you understand that clothing has no gender, and that they are not obligated to wear anything that gender norms dictate they “should”.

Fortunately, there are now many gender inclusive companies that make swimsuits for LGBTQ+ youth and adults that are comfortable, high quality and gender affirming.

10 Best Places To Buy Gender Inclusive Swimwear has wonderful reviews of many companies that make swimwear for all bodies, genders and gender expressions, and is a refreshing departure from companies that only sell outdated “men and women” swimwear.

This summer, I want to say to the LGBTQ+ community, we’re already ready! We were ready long before anyone told us that we should look, think and act according to harmful and quite frankly ridiculous standards, and we’re waiting for everyone else to catch up. The time is now. May we celebrate our queer and trans bodies, in all their uniqueness, strength and diversity, and shine just as bright as the summer sun.

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Kaleidoscope’s Postcard Project 495 400 cj

Kaleidoscope’s Postcard Project

Kaleidoscope’s Postcard Project:

Empowering LGBTQIA+ student and allies to let their voices be heard

This past March and April, multiple Gay Straight Alliances and Diversity Education students across The Help Group participated in Kaleidoscope’s postcard activism project in response to Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Students were invited to write postcards addressed to the office of Governor DeSantis, voicing support for the LGBTQ+ community and speaking out against harmful legislature that would further restrict the rights of LGBTQ+ students and the educational rights of all students in Florida. Although the Don’t Say Gay bill was sadly passed in the middle of this project, students were given the opportunity to speak out against several other anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and voice their concern and protest. In designing their postcards and participating in this small but meaningful form of activism, students were given a variety of templates to choose from, though the majority of them used their own beautiful words, voicing opinions that all students have rights to education, freedom of speech, and basic human rights.

Statement of Position

In the recent months, we have witnessed a series of nationwide legislative motions that were strategically designed to cause harm to LGBTQIA+ youth and their allies. Most notably, Florida’s Parental Rights In Education bill aka ‘Don’t Say Gay’ was signed into law by their state governor, Ron DeSantis. The ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill will prohibit classroom education surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity, and in essence will obligate its teachers to ‘out’ their students (without consent) to their parents. Kaleidoscope condemns the passage of this outwardly discriminative and dangerous bill and others that are similar in nature. For instance, the Texas Senate bill (‘1646’) that would classify providing gender affirming health care to transgender minors as child abuse. As we know, banning discussions around LGBTQIA+ history and limiting supportive services to the community does not stop youth from being LGBTQIA+ youth, in the same way as trying to rid the world of left-handedness was unsuccessful. You are born LGBTQIA+ in the same way you are born left-handed. Oppressive laws and ignorance cannot change this, but what it can and will do is prevent LGBTQIA+ youth from living authentic, safe, and fulfilling lives.

In their National Survey on LGBTQIA+ Youth Mental Health 2021, The Trevor Project reported, “42% of LGBTQIA+ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth and 94% of LGBTQIA+ youth reported that recent politics negatively impacted their mental health.” Kaleidoscope strongly recognizes the notion that supporting LGBTQIA+ youth is not indicative of child abuse; and all allies do, in actuality, is save lives and prevent suicides. NiiLee Cyrus (@jesuisniilee) a trans and queer liberator, educator, and mental health advocate said it best, “My trans agenda is not to turn cis children into trans, but it’s to turn trans children into adults.”

Kaleidoscope stands in solidarity with our allies in Florida and Texas (and, Idaho, Indiana, etc.) who are at the forefronts of fighting the anti-equality bills in their home states. Here in Southern California, Kaleidoscope is teamed up with The Help Group’s nine specialized day schools to help empower their student body in writing post-cards addressed to state legislators in opposition to the various anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation. Legalized, systematic oppression based on archaic cis-hetero ideology and binary thinking is not new. Therefore, we will continue our fight towards sexual and gender liberation by actively supporting and fiercely protecting our LGBTQIA+ youth.

P.S., gay, gay, gay, gay, and gay.

-Kaleidoscope team

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Kaleidoscope offers a range of affirming services; including trainings, consultations, and presentations in community settings. Please reach out to Kaleidoscope to collaborate on their mission to continue improving the quality of life for all LGBTQIA+ youth and young adults. You can email [email protected] to inquire more details.

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The Intersectionality Of The Autism and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums 495 401 cj

The Intersectionality Of The Autism and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums

The Intersectionality Of The ASD and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums

April is Autism Acceptance Month, a time to increase understanding of people with autism, and to provide continued support, kindness, and compassion for the autism community. Acceptance is also a big part of Kaleidoscope’s mission to provide services for young people on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum of sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and gender expression. April is an important month for us as we celebrate our clients who are on both the autism and LGBTQIA+ spectrums.

Several studies now show that there is a distinct intersectionality of the Autism and LGBTQIA+ spectrums. Intersectionality is defined as a crossroads where two seemingly different things overlap. For example, the research shows that a high number of autistic people identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer as compared to the general population. “Most of the data that we are seeing is that the rate for autistic people who identify as LGBTQIA+ is two to three times higher,” says Clinical Psychologist Eileen T. Crehan, Ph.D., an assistant professor at Tufts University. But larger studies need to be conducted before the true rate is known, she says.

We also know that gender, like autism, exists on a spectrum. The two spectrums, gender and autism, are now considered to frequently overlap. A recent study revealed that gender identity (a person’s internal sense of their own gender) and sexuality are more varied among autistic people than in the general population, and autism is more common among people who do not identify as their assigned sex at birth. Research shows that children with autism are 7.6 times more likely to express gender variance. Clinicians and researchers have noted a trend over the last twenty-five years with increasing numbers of children who are seeking professional care related to gender identity who also identify as autistic or having autistic traits.

Overall, autism appears to be more prevalent among gender-diverse people. A larger percentage of autistic people reported their gender as being something other than strictly male or female, as compared to other people. Gender diversity is defined as an Identity beyond the male/female binary framework. A 2018 Australian survey of transgender teens and young adults found that 22.5% had been diagnosed with autism. Research suggests that people who have an autism diagnosis or autism traits are more likely to identify as transgender. One study found the rate to be 2 -3 times higher in people who have autism.

For some autistic LGBTQIA+ young people, there is a sense of isolation and of not belonging. Belonginess, as defined by Dr. Kenneth Pelletier, at the Stanford Center for Research and Disease Prevention, is “a sense of belonging that is a basic human need – as basic as food and shelter.” Dr. Pelleetier continues, “Social support may be one of the critical elements distinguishing those who remain healthy from those who will become ill.”

Our Kaleidoscope team understands that our autistic LGBTQIA+ clients may find some aspects of “belongingness” challenging due to deficits in social communication and difficulty initiating social interactions. Our hope is that our social support groups can be a resource for those who seek to belong in a community. Our online and upcoming in-person LGBTQIA+ social support groups, Pride Club for teens and Coffee Chat for young adults, offer a sense of empowerment and increased self-esteem for young LGBTQIA+ people, due to a kind, inclusive environment with non-judgemental peers.

Research proves that accepting behaviors by peers and adults such as respect, support, and kindness, can positively impact autistic LGBTQIA+ young people as evidenced by higher self-esteem, better overall health, and a belief that they will be healthy, happy adults.

Cheers to a happy Autism Acceptance Month!

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary? 495 401 cj

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

If you watched the Sex And the City reboot titled, And Just Like That, then you saw the character Charlotte learn that her 13 year old child Rose now identifies as non-binary and wants to be called Rock. Charlotte is at first utterly baffled but then decides to learn all she can about what it means to be non-binary. At the series’ end, Charlotte is completely supportive of her child.Some viewers of the show found Charlotte’s journey very relatable, while for others this may have been the first time they learned about people who identify as non-binary.

What does the term non-binary mean? Non-binary can mean different things to different people. For some, being non-binary means they don’t identify as exclusively male or female. Other non-binary people may have a fluctuating gender identity or identify as nongendered. If your child identifies as non-binary, then the best way to understand how your child defines themselves is to ask your child how they personally define non-binary.

To further explain, when a baby is born, the doctor assigns the gender as male or female based on external anatomy. However, as the child grows up, the gender assigned at birth may not align with how the child feels internally. We now know that gender is a social construct, meaning children are socialized to behave in ways that align with society’s expectation for what is “male” or “female”. Some children feel strongly that their assigned gender does not fit with who they are as a person and those people identify as transgender. And some children feel that they are both male and female genders, or neither gender, or maybe that their gender changes. These people identify as being on the non-binary spectrum. Other terms for non-binary are genderfluid, genderqueer, or agender. How a person feels about themselves is very unique so there is no way to look at a person and know how they identify.

When your child declares that they are non-binary, it is a normal reaction to feel scared or confused. Some parents feel a sense of grief for the loss of what was and find it challenging to move to a place of embracing their child for who they are now. If you find yourself struggling, you can seek support and counseling from Kaleidoscope’s therapeutic services or join with other parents of non-binary children in a safe environment such as Kaleidoscope’s free monthly Parent Support Groups.

Although parents may feel overwhelmed when their child shares that they are non-binary, parents should do their best to respond to their child in a non-judgemental  and compassionate manner. It is important to remember how brave their child was to share their authentic self with their parents, and how confusing it must be for them as they travel this journey of self-discovery.

Parents should focus on being their child’s support team and to be there with love and affirmations. Tell your child that you love them and accept them unconditionally. Let your child take the lead. Ask what pronouns they prefer and if they are comfortable with their name. If they decide to use a chosen name and different pronouns, make every effort to use them.

A parent’s support can give their non-binary child the secure foundation for their healthy development. Parents can demonstrate love and support by showing interest, asking questions and trying to learn all they can about their child’s identity.  For example, ask your child if they would like your help with advocating regarding any school related issues, such as their new name added to the school’s roster of students.

One issue that can be difficult for parents is when their child informs them that they no longer want to be called by their “deadname” which is a term for the name given at birth. Some parents find it painful that their child loathes the name that they spent time choosing and bestowed with love. But their child may feel that their deadname represents the pain they feel when forced to be in a gender category that doesn’t feel “right” to them. Selecting a new name signifies a fresh start and the hope of a more content sense of self. When a parent uses the name their child prefers, it signals acceptance and love, and the understanding that your child is who they want to be.

All parents want their children to lead happy and fulfilled lives. By following their child’s lead, by demonstrating affirmative support, and by loving their child unconditionally, parents of non-binary children are helping to chart their path toward a happy life.

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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“Coming Out”: A Journey, Not A Destination 495 401 cj

“Coming Out”: A Journey, Not A Destination
By: Sarah Bruce

“Coming Out”: A Journey, Not A Destination

October is here, marking the return of pumpkin spice, LGBTQIA+ History Month, and National Coming Out Day! National Coming Out Day, celebrated every year on October 11, was established to raise awareness about the LGBTQIA+ community and to show support for LGBTQIA+ equality. For many, National Coming Out Day evokes feelings of pride and excitement, yet others may feel pressured and anxious about “coming out” (sharing information about their gender identity or sexual orientation with others). “Coming out” is often conceptualized as an “act of bravery” or a decision to “live openly and authentically,” which can potentially leave those who struggle with defining and sharing their gender identity and/or sexual orientation feeling ashamed and alone. Feelings associated with “coming out” are personal and unique to every individual, and “coming out” often gives rise to both positive and negative emotions.

When making decisions about if and when to “come out,” LGBTQIA+ people may consider a variety of different factors, including safety, housing, and potential reactions of family members and friends. As some families may reject LGBTQIA+ family members and refuse to allow them to live at home, many LGBTQIA+ people are unable to “come out,” because doing so could place them in an unsafe environment or lead to homelessness. They may also decide not to “come out” at a certain time due to fear of rejection and disconnection from loved ones. LGBTQIA+ people may choose not to “come out” even when their family and friends may be supportive, because they are not sure how loved ones will react and may not want to risk losing the acceptance and respect of the people they care about the most. Certain situations can also lead LGBTQIA+ people to wait to come out, such as feeling unsure about their gender identity and/or sexual orientation or experiencing negative feelings about their gender identity and/or sexual orientation.

In the media and popular culture, “coming out” is often portrayed as a life-changing, singular event that either ends in crushing disappointment or a great celebration (a kiss between two gay characters on a Ferris wheel to thunderous cheers and applause in Love Simon comes to mind). However, it may be more accurate to think of “coming out” as a life-long journey rather than a final destination. “Coming out” is a decision that is made every day during every social interaction. As gender identity, sexual orientation, and pronouns may shift from day to day or multiple times over the course of a lifetime, “coming out” may also occur with the same set of people multiple times. Neurodivergent individuals who also identify as LGBTQIA+ may consider disclosing their neurodiversity to others as a form of “coming out,” such that they are engaging in “double coming out” throughout their lifetime. In addition, some individuals who identify as LGBTQIA+ decide never to “come out.”

“Coming out” is a journey that may evoke negative emotions but can also include moments of beautiful, affirming relationship growth. Every LGBTQIA+ person has a unique “coming out” timeline, and determining this timeline is a personal and complex process. LGBTQIA+ people are deserving of love, respect, acceptance, and support no matter where they are on their “coming out” journey. If you or someone you care about would like to explore “coming out” or other LGBTQIA+-related topics, seek support, or connect with others in the LGBTQIA+ community, please contact us at Kaleidoscope for more information.

Interested in joining Sarah's parent group?

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Sarah is currently serving as a postdoctoral fellow specializing in working with individuals on the autism spectrum at The Help Group. Sarah earned her B.A. in psychology from CSUN, and her M.A. and Psy.D. from the PGSP-Stanford PsyD Consortium. She recently completed her clinical internship at Asian Americans for Community Involvement where she pursued her interest in the intersections of various cultural identities and LGBTQIA+ status, and developed the agency’s first clinical program for youth who identified as LGBTQIA+.

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October is LGBTQ+ History Month! 495 400 cj

October is LGBTQ+ History Month!
October is

LGBTQ+ History Month!

When we celebrate LGBTQ+ history month, we promote equality and diversity, raise awareness of LGBTQ+ identities, provide understanding of the complex nature of gender, biology, and romantic/sexual orientation, and honor those LGBTQ+ figures who changed the world. 

 There are many ways for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community, and their allies, to celebrate this month. As Laverne Cox, transgender rights activist and actress, so eloquently stated, “I’ve never been interested in being invisible or erased.” Here are some suggestions for honoring the LGBTQ+ figures who paved the way for the LGBTQ+ community to be visible and proud!: 

Suggestions for Teachers:

Strive to creatively weave historical LGBTQ+ figures into your curriculum. Introduce students to the lived experiences and perspectives of LGBTQ+ icons through stories, visual art, food, music, and film. A curriculum that includes lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and gender-expansive historical figures creates a more affirming environment and healthy self-concept for LGBTQ+ students while also raising awareness for all students. 

Suggestions for Students:

Make your voice heard! Make an appointment with your Principal and ask to read an announcement about LGBTQ+ History Month. Or submit an article to your school’s newspaper. If your school has a GSA, have the group plan a special lunchtime event like “Karaoke to Celebrate LGBTQ+ Musicians.” And if your school doesn’t have a GSA, this is the perfect month to start one! 

Suggestions For Parents: 

Show your affirming support for your LGBTQ+ child in a demonstrable manner. Buy a LGBTQ+ flag and fly it proudly outside your home. Make  a point to read up on LGBTQ+ historical figures and share your knowledge at the dinner table. Show your LGBTQ+ child that you will stand up to those who have outdated and unwelcome attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community. Be a LGBTQ+ hero for your child! 

Suggestions For Friends and Allies:

Sometimes simple things can make a difference in showing your LGBTQ+ friends that you are a strong ally. Wear a rainbow shirt, add your pronouns on your Instagram bio, or bake your LGBTQ+ friends some rainbow cupcakes!  

Suggestions For Co-Workers:

You can demonstrate that you are an ally to your LGBTQ+ co-workers by adding your pronouns to your email signature, as well as wearing a rainbow lanyard and a pronoun pin at work. Show interest in your LGBTQ+ co-worker’s life and ask about their interests outside of work. The more work friends the better! 

And to all of our friends in the LGBTQ+ community:

Happy LGBTQ+ History Month! We see you, we support you, and we are proud of you! And as the great gay playwright, actor, and Tony winner Harvey Fierstein said, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself!” 

Want to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community? Please join us! Kaleidoscope offers free groups and clubs for teens ages 12-17 and young adults 18-24. We also have a free bi- monthly parent/ally/caregiver support group. 

Questions?

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Profile Picture of Jeri Rochman

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns 495 400 cj

The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns

The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns

Pronouns are important! We use them daily when we interact with people and also when we refer to someone in the third person. But, when we use a pronoun, there is an implied gender which may not always be accurate. So even if you think you know a person’s gender, it just isn’t polite to assume.

If you aren’t sure about someone’s pronouns and you are not in a place where it feels safe to ask, then a good default position is to use “they/them/theirs.”  People may feel a bit uncomfortable at first with “they/them/their” pronouns because it can be viewed as a plural term for a singular person. But we actually use “they/them/their” quite often! For example, you might say, “Someone’s at the door. I wonder what they want?”

If you make a mistake, or incorrectly assume someone’s pronouns without asking first, you might be sending a hurtful message even if your intentions are good. Taking the time to use a person’s correct gender pronouns is one way you can show your respect for their identity.

You might feel unsure about how to best ask someone for their pronouns. Here are a few suggestions you can use to show that you want to be inclusive and respectful when meeting someone new:

1. Offer your pronouns first

Let’s normalize offering pronouns when we offer our names! If pronouns are not offered, it is implied that a person’s gender matches their gender expression –  but that might not always be the case.  A person’s gender can be expressed through their name, pronouns, clothing, or haircut. Some people’s gender expression does reflect their gender identity but sometimes it does not.

Offering your pronouns when you meet someone new conveys that you want to be inclusive and that you are a safe person for an LGBTQ+ individual to engage with,

Example: “Hi, I’m Taylor and I use he/him/his pronouns. How about you?”

2. If you are going to ask someone about their pronouns, ask in private

You never want to put someone else on the spot so you shouldn’t ask someone about their pronouns if you are in a big group of people. If you can take a moment away from the group, then you can politely make the inquiry.

Example: “I want to share with you that I use she/her/hers pronouns. If you are comfortable sharing, may I ask which pronouns you use?”

3. Use their pronouns

Once you have met someone and they shared their pronouns, then you should use them! If this is new to you, that is ok but you should still make the effort. You can practice in your head or aloud when you are alone in your car or room. And if you do make a mistake, calmly apologize, make the correction, and move on. And if someone else makes a mistake and misgenders someone, politely make the correction as well.

Example:  Mistaken Person: “Oh, I see Dylan left her jacket on the chair. I will go give it to her.”

Enlightened You: “That’s very nice of you! And, remember, Dylan uses the pronouns   they/them/their.”

4. What if a person is nervous about sharing their pronouns?

A person’s safety and well-being is the most important consideration of all. If someone doesn’t want to share their public pronouns they absolutely do not have to! No one should ever be made to feel pressured to divulge anything personal at any time, or at any place – no exceptions.

5. What if a person doesn’t know their pronouns?

It is absolutely understandable to feel confused or uncertain about your own gender identity. A person can feel quite certain one day about their gender identity and wake the next day and feel utterly uncertain. People need the space and time to realize what feels most affirming to them. Labels can be a helpful tool to describe gender identity but they are not required!

Want to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community? Please join us! Kaleidoscope offers free groups and clubs for teens ages 12-17 and young adults 18-24. We also have a free bi- monthly parent/ally/caregiver support group.

Questions?

For more information

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Profile Picture of Jeri Rochman

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

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Strategies for Supporting LGBTQ+ 495 400 cj

Strategies for Supporting LGBTQ+
Strategies for Supporting

LGBTQ+ Young People During A Summer in Quarantine

It is understandable to struggle with feelings of fear and anxiety surrounding the  COVID-19 pandemic, but our LGBTQ+ young people may be especially vulnerable to the impact on their mental health. The emotions that may be expressed include grief, sadness, disappointment and anger – all so relatable!

In addition, while we hope that our LGBTQ+ young people are in loving family homes, the reality is that there are some youth who are in unsupportive environments this summer and experiencing a deep loss of connection with the LGBTQ+ community.

All kids, teens, and young adults deserve trusted and supportive adults in their lives. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, sibling, caregiver, teacher, coach, ally, or friend of an LGBTQ+ young person, you can help! Here are three strategies that can offer support to LGBTQ+ youth this summer.

1. Encourage kids, teens, and young adults to find community online

Just because we are keeping our physical distance from other people doesn’t mean we have to be socially isolated. There is a whole world online where friendships can flourish.

And if a LGBTQ+ young person is living with people who are unable or unwilling to offer support, they can reach out to other family members, allies, friends, teachers, clubs and support groups on-line via Zoom or Skype. Young people can also use Tik Tok and Instagram to connect and build community.

Encourage the LGBTQ+ young people in your life to stay connected online. The Kaleidoscope Program offers free, virtual, weekly programs such as the Pride Club and Creative Expressions Group for 12-17 year olds, as well as a Coffee Chat Group for 18-24 years olds.

If possible, offer a young person a space where they can use their phone or laptop to access safe online groups. Let them know that it shows strength to reach out to others and that you are proud of them for extending their friendship to other young people.

2. Enjoy the great OUTdoors!

Health experts say that it is safe to go outside and it’s completely worth doing so that you can get out of the house, get some exercise, and have some fun.

Invite the LGBTQ+ young person in your life to go on a morning hike when the temperature is lower, or spend the day in the sun at the beach, if it is safe in your area to do so. Spending time with a supportive adult can give a young person the safe space to relax and be themselves. You can discuss LGBTQ current events and allow the young person to process how they feel about what is going on in the world. Or you can just go in the ocean and splash around to your heart’s content. Remember to wear a mask and practice social distancing!

3. Celebrate Pride Month all summer long!

June is the official Pride month but Pride can be celebrated all summer long! Because many Pride celebrations all over the world were cancelled this year, the LGBTQ+ young people in your life may be feeling a deep sense of disappointment. But let them know that you are a safe and supportive ally in their life and that they are deserving of celebrating Pride all summer long.

You can help them order Pride decorations for both inside or outside their home. A google search will result in lots of ideas for fun rainbow craft projects. And if you like to cook, share your interest and teach the young person you care about how to make delicious and fun rainbow themed recipes.

So even though life may feel overwhelming for all of us, the good news is there are ways you can bring joy, fun and pride this summer into the lives of the kids, teens, and young adults who brighten up your life. Best wishes for a great summer from all of us at The Help Group’s Kaleidoscope Program!

Questions?

For more information

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Profile Picture of Jeri Rochman

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

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Pursuit of Equality 495 400 cj

Pursuit of Equality

Pursuit of Equality

Imagine that you’re at work and your boss calls you to her office.  You hope it might be regarding a raise or promotion, because you know that your work has been exemplary and your peers and supervisors recognize it.  Instead, your boss says that- although you are great at your job – she just doesn’t approve of who you’ve been dating.  “Not that it’s interfering with your work at all, but I just don’t think it’s right.  I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to let you go.”  You’re shocked.  She must be kidding, right?  Or, if she’s not, surely this is illegal discrimination that an email to HR could fix?  This couldn’t be a legal reason to fire someone in America – right?

Up until last month, this was actually a legal reason for an employer to fire someone in over half of the states in our country – if the person being fired was LGBTQ+.  In fact, two instances of this occurring resulted in lawsuits that went all the way to the Supreme Court and were settled by this national ruling.  Thankfully, the Supreme Court ruled that LGBTQ+ people are protected from job discrimination as equally as their heterosexual, cisgender co-workers.

The path to achieving rights and freedoms that most Americans take for granted is not an easy one for many marginalized minority groups.   James Esseks, director of the American Civil Liberty Union’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender & HIV Project, noted that, “The Supreme Court’s clarification that it’s unlawful to fire people because they’re LGBTQ is the result of decades of advocates fighting for our rights.”

The fact that it has been legal for employers to fire an employee in the workplace simply because they didn’t approve of their sexual orientation or gender identity is an example of systemic oppression.  What is the impact of such oppression and related messaging on LGBTQ+ youth?  Many forms of systemic oppression are supported on a national level and intensified on social media, only to be internalized by LGBTQ+ youth.  Daniel Reynolds writes in The Advocate that “Minority stress – created by stigma, discrimination, bullying, or a perception of bias – is credited as the main detractor to the mental health of LGBTQ youth.”

Imagine the impact of hearing and then internalizing anti-LGBTQ+ messages not only in community settings, national policies, and through social media, but in your own home.  Would you enjoy the freedom of being authentically yourself in such environments, or would you pretend to be someone you’re not and silently suffer for it?  Would you isolate and use maladaptive coping mechanisms out of fear of rejection?  Once you recognize the impact of these rejecting messages on so many levels, it’s easy to understand how LGBTQ+ youth might experience depression or anxiety as a result, numb themselves with drugs or alcohol, and even consider taking their own lives to avoid such pain.

As we fight to stop systemic oppression, we must also counter all of these anti-LGBTQ+ messages with affirming ones as much as possible!  A research study by San Francisco State University’s Family Acceptance Project found that reacting to LGBTQ+ youth with accepting statements and behaviors (rather than rejecting ones) leads to positive mental health outcomes, including higher self-esteem, as well as closer relationships with family members and better overall health.

This month, we celebrate the freedom and rights that we enjoy as Americans.  This year, for the first time, we may all celebrate the right to not be fired from our place of employment simply for who we love or who we are.  Another right has been recognized on our path toward equality – and we will continue our efforts to secure more.  In the meantime, Kaleidoscope offers safe spaces for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults to meet virtually online, to give and receive the affirming support that the world may not always provide in a space where they have the freedom to joyfully be themselves.  Please check out our free online social support groups as well as Telehealth services, such as individual therapy, and let the supportive healing begin.

About the author

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Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services?

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Pride With No Parade 495 400 cj

Pride With No Parade

Pride With No Parade

In its 50th year, the LA Pride Parade has been postponed indefinitely.  How can this be?  With all of the oppression that the LGBTQ+ community has faced, it’s hard to comprehend that something is preventing us from participating in a cultural tradition that is based on defiant freedom.  How do we stay in to celebrate Pride, when what we’re celebrating is synonymous with Coming Out?

Whether we are LGBTQ+ or not, we are in an incredibly challenging chapter in our lives.  One with loss, uncertainty, confusion, and fear.  Many of our usual methods of coping are currently unavailable to us.  Communities of support aren’t accessible to us in person.  Our means of financial support may be in jeopardy or even gone.   We’re living in fear of losing our loved ones.  Many lives have tragically been lost.

Of course, this is not the first time that the LGBTQ+ community has faced a devastating challenge such as this.  For many, this current experience is bringing back tragic memories of the horrific AIDS epidemic.  There was fear, unimaginable suffering and heartbreaking loss.  The disease seemed to be targeting the LGBTQ+ community specifically and that only fanned the flames of anti-gay and anti-transgender sentiment in society, expressed through policies from administrations and violence in the streets.  Along with grieving this past, though, we can also learn from it – and have an awareness of positive aspects that emerged from it, to give us the hope that we need now.

In a recent press conference regarding the impact of COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci also drew a parallel to the AIDS epidemic and the resilience of what is now known as the LGBTQ+ community.  He recalled that, “During that time, there was extraordinary stigma, particularly against the gay community.  And it was only when the world realized how the gay community responded to this outbreak with incredible courage and dignity and strength and activism — I think that really changed some of the stigma against the gay community, very much so.”  As head of the National Institute of Allergy & Infectious Diseases, Dr. Fauci was responsible for developing medications to treat HIV/AIDS at the height of the epidemic.

Thankfully, the devastating hardships connected to the AIDS epidemic also inspired qualities of strength in the LGBTQ+ community that became embedded in our conception and expression of pride.  Compassion.  Love.  Unity.  Resilience.  These are only some of the principles that are now weaved into the very meaning of LGBTQ+ pride, similar to the colors that comprise the rainbows of our flags –  and the spectrums of kaleidoscopes!

So, are we able to have pride without a parade?  Absolutely!  The principles of pride are internal ones that we carry with us, always.

Let’s draw upon those principles now.   We may not be able to meet in the street to march and celebrate, but we are able to connect virtually until we may once more do so in person.  At Kaleidoscope, we support the revision of the term “Social Distancing” to “Physical Distancing,” because we are able to connect socially while remaining safely physically distanced.

We invite you to join us in this social connection and pride celebration!   Meet us in one (or more) of Kaleidoscope’s free online LGBTQ+ social support groups!  There are many such groups to choose from.  Simply choose one or more that interest you and represent your age group.  Then, click on the link to register.  We look forward to seeing you soon!

Pride Club for Ages 11 – 13

Connect virtually with other LGBTQIA+ youth ages 11 – 13 and their allies through creative activities, games, discussions, & hanging out.

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Varsity Pride Club for Ages 14 – 17

Connect virtually with other LGBTQIA+ teens ages 14 – 17 and their allies through creative activities, games, discussions, & hanging out.

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Young Adult Coffee Chat & Support

Young adults (ages 18-24) of the LGBTQIA+ community are invited to join Kaleidoscope online for an afternoon of meeting peers, getting resources, and feeling connected.

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Creative Expressions

LGBTQIA+ youth (ages 11-17) and their allies are encouraged to bring an original creation, whether it be something written, a song, a dance or a piece of art – that is appropriate to share with others.

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Movie Night for Young Adults!

Grab a snack and join our movie watch party featuring LGBTQIA+ representation and storylines. Ages 18 – 24.

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Movie Night for Teens

Grab a snack and join our movie watch party featuring LGBTQIA+ representation and storylines. Ages 12-17.

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About the author

Contact

Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services?

Email