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Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin
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Our Bodies are Already Ready 495 401 cj

Our Bodies are Already Ready
Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin

Our Bodies are Already Ready

By Jay Baldwin

Summer is upon us, which for many of us brings up images of splashing in the ocean, relaxing by the pool, and soaking up the sun. But every year right before summer, the inevitable shadow is cast upon this otherwise bright season. “Are you beach body ready?” the ads ask us. “Get yourself ready for bikini season!” From magazines, to diet ads, to many other kinds of media, the message is clear: Only certain kinds of bodies are acceptable, desirable, and appropriate for summer, and if we don’t have one of those kinds of bodies, we need to get them “ready”

The Ideal Body Type?

The “ideal” body type in our culture is typically one that is white, cisgender, thin, and able bodied. Messages like this are rooted in patriarchy, misogyny and racism, and have perpetuated a great deal of harm toward people of all genders. Queer and trans bodies, which have been historically othered and positioned as less than compared to their straight and cisgender peers, are impacted by these messages in very specific ways. Not only is there pressure to “get one’s body ready” from an aesthetic standpoint, there is the actual process of moving through the world and buying a swimsuit that can be very challenging for many LGBTQ+ folks, particularly transgender, non binary and any individual – trans or cisgender – who is gender non conforming.

Swimwear can perpetuate the Gender Binary

Swimwear and bathing suits are almost always gendered pieces of clothing that perpetuate the gender binary – the idea that there are only two genders (men and women) and that there are “acceptable” or assumed ways that boys/men and girls/women will dress. They also emphasize certain body parts that can cause trans, non binary and gender non conforming individuals to experience gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is term that describes unease, discomfort or anxiety – sometimes severe –  that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex characteristics and their gender identity. A day at the beach or the pool, one that we associate with fun, carefree times, can be a deeply uncomfortable experience, or one that is avoided altogether, for anyone who cannot find swim wear that is comfortable, affordable and affirms their gender identity and expression.

For trans, non binary and gender non conforming youth who are just coming into their identities and their bodies, this can be a particularly vulnerable time as we head into summer. These youth may be in various stages of coming out and/or in gender transition. They may wonder “Is it safe to present as my chosen gender in a swimsuit? Will I be able to use the correct changing room without being harassed? Will I be misgendered if I wear one kind of bathing suit versus another?”

Affirming Support can make all the difference

If an LGBTQ+ child or teen needs support and help finding a bathing suit, an affirming adult can make all the difference. Let the LGBTQ+ youth in your life know that you know this is not an easy experience, and that they deserve to feel comfortable and happy in their bodies, no matter what they are wearing. It is also important to emphasize that you understand that clothing has no gender, and that they are not obligated to wear anything that gender norms dictate they “should”.

Fortunately, there are now many gender inclusive companies that make swimsuits for LGBTQ+ youth and adults that are comfortable, high quality and gender affirming.

10 Best Places To Buy Gender Inclusive Swimwear has wonderful reviews of many companies that make swimwear for all bodies, genders and gender expressions, and is a refreshing departure from companies that only sell outdated “men and women” swimwear.

This summer, I want to say to the LGBTQ+ community, we’re already ready! We were ready long before anyone told us that we should look, think and act according to harmful and quite frankly ridiculous standards, and we’re waiting for everyone else to catch up. The time is now. May we celebrate our queer and trans bodies, in all their uniqueness, strength and diversity, and shine just as bright as the summer sun.

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The Intersectionality Of The Autism and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums 495 401 cj

The Intersectionality Of The Autism and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums

The Intersectionality Of The ASD and LGBTQIA+ Spectrums

April is Autism Acceptance Month, a time to increase understanding of people with autism, and to provide continued support, kindness, and compassion for the autism community. Acceptance is also a big part of Kaleidoscope’s mission to provide services for young people on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum of sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and gender expression. April is an important month for us as we celebrate our clients who are on both the autism and LGBTQIA+ spectrums.

Several studies now show that there is a distinct intersectionality of the Autism and LGBTQIA+ spectrums. Intersectionality is defined as a crossroads where two seemingly different things overlap. For example, the research shows that a high number of autistic people identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer as compared to the general population. “Most of the data that we are seeing is that the rate for autistic people who identify as LGBTQIA+ is two to three times higher,” says Clinical Psychologist Eileen T. Crehan, Ph.D., an assistant professor at Tufts University. But larger studies need to be conducted before the true rate is known, she says.

We also know that gender, like autism, exists on a spectrum. The two spectrums, gender and autism, are now considered to frequently overlap. A recent study revealed that gender identity (a person’s internal sense of their own gender) and sexuality are more varied among autistic people than in the general population, and autism is more common among people who do not identify as their assigned sex at birth. Research shows that children with autism are 7.6 times more likely to express gender variance. Clinicians and researchers have noted a trend over the last twenty-five years with increasing numbers of children who are seeking professional care related to gender identity who also identify as autistic or having autistic traits.

Overall, autism appears to be more prevalent among gender-diverse people. A larger percentage of autistic people reported their gender as being something other than strictly male or female, as compared to other people. Gender diversity is defined as an Identity beyond the male/female binary framework. A 2018 Australian survey of transgender teens and young adults found that 22.5% had been diagnosed with autism. Research suggests that people who have an autism diagnosis or autism traits are more likely to identify as transgender. One study found the rate to be 2 -3 times higher in people who have autism.

For some autistic LGBTQIA+ young people, there is a sense of isolation and of not belonging. Belonginess, as defined by Dr. Kenneth Pelletier, at the Stanford Center for Research and Disease Prevention, is “a sense of belonging that is a basic human need – as basic as food and shelter.” Dr. Pelleetier continues, “Social support may be one of the critical elements distinguishing those who remain healthy from those who will become ill.”

Our Kaleidoscope team understands that our autistic LGBTQIA+ clients may find some aspects of “belongingness” challenging due to deficits in social communication and difficulty initiating social interactions. Our hope is that our social support groups can be a resource for those who seek to belong in a community. Our online and upcoming in-person LGBTQIA+ social support groups, Pride Club for teens and Coffee Chat for young adults, offer a sense of empowerment and increased self-esteem for young LGBTQIA+ people, due to a kind, inclusive environment with non-judgemental peers.

Research proves that accepting behaviors by peers and adults such as respect, support, and kindness, can positively impact autistic LGBTQIA+ young people as evidenced by higher self-esteem, better overall health, and a belief that they will be healthy, happy adults.

Cheers to a happy Autism Acceptance Month!

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary? 495 401 cj

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

If you watched the Sex And the City reboot titled, And Just Like That, then you saw the character Charlotte learn that her 13 year old child Rose now identifies as non-binary and wants to be called Rock. Charlotte is at first utterly baffled but then decides to learn all she can about what it means to be non-binary. At the series’ end, Charlotte is completely supportive of her child.Some viewers of the show found Charlotte’s journey very relatable, while for others this may have been the first time they learned about people who identify as non-binary.

What does the term non-binary mean? Non-binary can mean different things to different people. For some, being non-binary means they don’t identify as exclusively male or female. Other non-binary people may have a fluctuating gender identity or identify as nongendered. If your child identifies as non-binary, then the best way to understand how your child defines themselves is to ask your child how they personally define non-binary.

To further explain, when a baby is born, the doctor assigns the gender as male or female based on external anatomy. However, as the child grows up, the gender assigned at birth may not align with how the child feels internally. We now know that gender is a social construct, meaning children are socialized to behave in ways that align with society’s expectation for what is “male” or “female”. Some children feel strongly that their assigned gender does not fit with who they are as a person and those people identify as transgender. And some children feel that they are both male and female genders, or neither gender, or maybe that their gender changes. These people identify as being on the non-binary spectrum. Other terms for non-binary are genderfluid, genderqueer, or agender. How a person feels about themselves is very unique so there is no way to look at a person and know how they identify.

When your child declares that they are non-binary, it is a normal reaction to feel scared or confused. Some parents feel a sense of grief for the loss of what was and find it challenging to move to a place of embracing their child for who they are now. If you find yourself struggling, you can seek support and counseling from Kaleidoscope’s therapeutic services or join with other parents of non-binary children in a safe environment such as Kaleidoscope’s free monthly Parent Support Groups.

Although parents may feel overwhelmed when their child shares that they are non-binary, parents should do their best to respond to their child in a non-judgemental  and compassionate manner. It is important to remember how brave their child was to share their authentic self with their parents, and how confusing it must be for them as they travel this journey of self-discovery.

Parents should focus on being their child’s support team and to be there with love and affirmations. Tell your child that you love them and accept them unconditionally. Let your child take the lead. Ask what pronouns they prefer and if they are comfortable with their name. If they decide to use a chosen name and different pronouns, make every effort to use them.

A parent’s support can give their non-binary child the secure foundation for their healthy development. Parents can demonstrate love and support by showing interest, asking questions and trying to learn all they can about their child’s identity.  For example, ask your child if they would like your help with advocating regarding any school related issues, such as their new name added to the school’s roster of students.

One issue that can be difficult for parents is when their child informs them that they no longer want to be called by their “deadname” which is a term for the name given at birth. Some parents find it painful that their child loathes the name that they spent time choosing and bestowed with love. But their child may feel that their deadname represents the pain they feel when forced to be in a gender category that doesn’t feel “right” to them. Selecting a new name signifies a fresh start and the hope of a more content sense of self. When a parent uses the name their child prefers, it signals acceptance and love, and the understanding that your child is who they want to be.

All parents want their children to lead happy and fulfilled lives. By following their child’s lead, by demonstrating affirmative support, and by loving their child unconditionally, parents of non-binary children are helping to chart their path toward a happy life.

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

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