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Holidays

Embracing Chosen Family Durning the Holidays and All Year Round
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Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round 495 401 cj

Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round
Embracing Chosen Family Durning the Holidays and All Year Round

Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round

By Jay Baldwin

“It’s the most wonderful time….of the year.”

This time of year is typically associated with family gatherings full of celebrations, joy and togetherness. We are inundated by Hallmark movies, TV commercials, and social media posts that would have us believe that everyone should be sitting around a fireplace with their loved ones having the most wonderful holiday celebrations. Not everyone, however, has a family of origin they can or even want to be with for a variety of reasons. An increasing number of people, especially folks in the LGBTQ+ community, opt to surround themselves with their chosen family instead of their family of origin, not just during the holiday season but all year round.

Chosen families are the people we surround ourselves with who love us, support us and embrace us for exactly who we are. For many, they are far more loving and nurturing than the families they were born into. But it’s also important to note that a chosen family does *not* require the absence of a family of origin. Chosen family can exist as a powerful source of community in and of itself, or as an additional source of joy and support in addition to one’s family of origin.

Chosen families in the LGBTQ+ community have existed for decades. For centuries, the queer community has found a way to connect with each other and build systems of support when the heteronormative world was not a safe place to be seen and known. For many LGBTQ+ people who are seeking acceptance and understanding of their full selves, surrounding themselves with likeminded and like-identified folks can transform and even save their lives.

This holiday season, I invite you to think about our LGBTQ+ young people who are still navigating how to come out in their own families, facing rejection, or struggling to find their chosen family. I am proud to be donating to an organization called Transanta that helps deliver gifts to transgender youth in need, safely and anonymously. Transsanta was created because “right now, young trans people, particularly Black and Brown trans youth, are under attack across the country and around the world. The pandemic has exacerbated unsafe conditions for trans youth who are houseless, in foster care, in detention, and in abusive or otherwise unsafe housing situations. Transanta was created to show young people that they are loved, supported, and have a family of people around the world who care about them and want them to succeed.”

No matter what community we are a part of, we all desire and deserve meaningful and supportive connections throughout every stage of life. Whether you identify as LGBTQ+, or as a member of a different community entirely, I invite you to think about the concept of chosen family if you haven’t before, or what it means to be part of someone else’s chosen family. Who have you invited into your life who you consider family, even though you didn’t necessarily grow up with them? What kind of family do you want to surround yourself with and be a part of that you perhaps haven’t before? Whether you are with your family of origin, your chosen family, both, or neither, whether you are celebrating a lot, a little, or not at all, I see each and every one of you, and I wish you all a safe and healthy holiday season.

Creating a Safe and Welcoming Holiday For Your Queer Child
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Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child 495 401 cj

Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child
Creating a Safe and Welcoming Holiday For Your Queer Child

Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child

By Leo Kirkham

The winter holidays are a time for family and friends to gather together in the spirit of gratitude and giving. But they can also be fraught with conflict and stress.

For LGBTQ people especially, the holidays can be a trying time. Whether they are visiting family who don’t fully accept their identities, being reminded of childhood trauma, seeing a past abuser, or struggling with an eating disorder, the holidays can bring up anxiety for queer and trans people.

You love and accept your queer child. So how can you make the holidays a safer, more welcoming space for your child?

Talk to your child

The first step is to have a conversation with your child about the upcoming holidays and any family visits. Ask them if they have any stress, anxiety, or worries about the holidays. Ask them how you can support them best. Ask what they need during the holiday, whether it is space and time to be alone, verbal support from you during family conversations, or the opportunity to be engaged in holiday activities like cooking and cleaning.

Talk to family members and friends

Have a conversation with any family and friends who will be visiting during the holiday. Set expectations early about what behavior is expected of them. Tell them that homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic comments will not be allowed.

If your child uses a different name or pronouns than what they grew up with, tell visiting family that they are expected to use the correct name and pronouns during their visit. Practice with them, and role model how to apologize if you make a mistake with pronouns. (Apologize briefly, say the sentence again with the correct pronoun, and move on. Do not over-apologize.) Treat your child the same as any other child.

Meaning, invite your child’s significant other to the holiday, if you would do the same for a heterosexual child. Treat their significant other with friendliness and respect. Welcome them as a part of the family.

Use your child’s preferred name and pronouns, just as you would for a cisgender* child. If you need to practice with pronouns to get it right, do so! Practice with other family members, practice writing sentences about your child, and practice using your child’s pronoun in your thoughts and out loud. If you need a resource for practicing with pronouns, try this website.

*Cisgender refers to someone who identities with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, if the doctors told your parents “it’s a girl!” when you were born and you identify as a woman today, you are a cisgender woman.

Ally is a verb, not a noun

Be an ally to your child during the holiday. If a homophobic or transphobic comment is made, don’t stay quiet. Speak up! Address the inappropriate comment and make it clear that similar language or attitudes will not be tolerated at your holiday.

If the conversation grows into an argument, give your child permission to leave the room while you work it out.

If you feel that an argument about LGBTQ issues is inevitable with your family, consider hosting a smaller gathering without homophobic or transphobic relatives so that your child can experience a peaceful and comfortable holiday with you.

Help another queer or trans child this holiday

Not every child is as lucky as yours. Many queer and trans kids do not have accepting families. Consider sharing your love and generosity with another child in need.

You can write a letter to an LGBTQ child this holiday season (Your Holiday Mom) or donate a gift to a trans child who otherwise couldn’t buy a binder, a pride flag, or an LGBTQ book (Trans Santa).

Thank you for reading, and happy holidays!

January 2022 Blog feature image with the title "New Year: Queer Affirmations"
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New Year Queer Affirmations 495 400 cj

New Year Queer Affirmations
January 2022 Blog header image with the title "New Year: Queer Affirmations"

New Year Queer Affirmations

By Dr. Joselyn Valle (she/ella)

The start of the New Year often represents new changes and a fresh start. Millions of Americans usually take this time to create New Year resolutions and affirmations surrounding their health and fitness goals. However, for some LGBTQIA+ young folx*, it might mean taking a new step in their identity journey. Whether it means coming out to your loved ones, trying on new pronouns, wearing gender affirming clothing, or connecting with more queer friends (even just thinking about these things is a huge step in itself). Wherever you are in the sexual and gender spectrum(s), know that Kaleidoscope is here to support you!

As you lean into your unique 2022 goals, we encourage you to practice self-care by using queer affirmations. Affirmations at their very core, are statements made with purpose that can help you become motivated to take action, self-soothe, and/or challenge negative thoughts. But why are queer affirmations so important? Sometimes LGBTQIA+ folx adopt limiting beliefs about themselves from living in a cis-hetero society and queer affirmations are a small (but mighty) way in which LGBTQIA+ folx can continue to empower themselves.

Practicing daily queer affirmations can help set your intentions and build self-esteem by focusing on what you can control: how you treat yourself. Become intentional with your queer affirmations by creating a space to connect with your authentic self. Maybe it’s the first thing you do before you get up, or the last thing you do before you go to bed, or in all those in-between moments of the day when you really need a pick-me-up. There’s no right or wrong way of practicing queer affirmations, so we invite you to play around with them. Try saying them out loud, writing them on post-it notes to place on your mirror, or even dance as you sing along with them. Other ideas include, placing a hand on your heart as you repeat each queer affirmation or ending your practice with a self-hug…because remember, you are magic.

Below are a list of 15 queer affirmations. Feel free to use these or create your own!

  • I am enough/I am queer enough
  • I accept myself as who I am
  • I will treat myself with kindness
  • I am proud of who I am
  • I get to define what queerness means to me
  • I decide when and how I will come out
  • I am worthy to take up space
  • I am valid/I am valid even if I’m not out yet
  • I choose to love myself unconditionally
  • I take pride in my identity/identities
  • I am grateful for my sexuality
  • I love myself for who I am
  • I will honor my gender journey
  • I will practice self-compassion
  • I will not shrink myself for the comfort of others

*Folx, a variation on the word folks that is meant to be an inclusive and gender-neutral way to refer to members in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Joselyn Valle, Psy.D.

Dr. Valle is a Kaleidoscope’s new bilingual therapist in support of the mental health & overall wellbeing of neurodivergent and neurotypical LGBTQIA+ folx and their allies available to provide services in Spanish también.

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Holiday Traditions That Feel Right For You 495 401 cj

Holiday Traditions That Feel Right For You

Holiday Traditions That Feel Right For You

The holiday season certainly looks different this year as compared to last year. Although we are still dealing with the effects of a worldwide pandemic, there is a true sense of hopefulness. For many people, this year’s holidays will be a chance to connect with family and friends that they may not have seen for a long time. But for some folks in the LGBTQIA+ community, holiday gatherings remain a source of stress as there can be feelings of not being free to be one’s authentic self for fear of rejection or a negative response. But every year brings a new opportunity to start new holiday traditions that feel right for you.

There may be feelings of apprehension about seeing family members for the first time in a long time. LGBTQIA+ young people may feel anxious about connecting with grandparents or other relatives for fear of not being accepted. It can be helpful to remember that personal questions about friendships and romantic relationships are often an attempt to connect and family members may need time to acknowledge and accept an LGBTQIA+ family member. If a question is asked that feels invasive, a response can have as little or as much information as is comfortable. There may be unintentional incorrect use of pronouns with transgender family members. A gentle but firm correction along with a reminder that it is hurtful to be misgendered may be the remedy.

If you are a supportive parent or ally, perhaps this is the year to bring opportunities to highlight the importance of acceptance and affirming support to the LGBTQIA+ people in your life. And if the holidays go well with family members, be sure to follow up post-holiday to see if there are any questions and to say thank you for the love and support.

LGBTQIA+ young people may decide to spend the holidays with their partners or a small group of chosen family. Hanging out, cooking together, or watching favorite movies can all make for lovely, memorable celebrations.

And if at all possible, be the change that you want to see in the world. There are many LGBTQIA+ organizations that can use your time and energy. Research shows that 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQIA+ and this time of year only adds more stress to an already precarious living situation. And extra blankets or outgrown clothes will be greatly appreciated by your local shelter. Giving back will definitely make the holiday season more meaningful.

And remember, all family members need down time for self-care during the holidays. Leave lots of time on your holiday calendar for taking walks, exercise, listening to music, and reading.

All of us at Kaleidoscope wish you the happiest of holidays and we wish you all the best in 2022!

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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Preparing For A Thoughtful Thanksgiving 495 401 cj

Preparing For A Thoughtful Thanksgiving

Preparing For a Thoughtful Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, bringing with it lots of family togetherness and delicious food favorites. For many folks, this is a much-anticipated family holiday. And while we hope that all members of the Kaleidoscope community will spend Thanksgiving with supportive friends and families, we know that for some, this may be a holiday with awkward and uncomfortable interactions with family members that are still on their journey to acceptance.

If you are feeling unsure or nervous about what the Thanksgiving holiday may have in store, for yourself or for your LGBTQIA+ child, you are not alone. Holidays carry a lot of emotional weight, but LGBTQIA+ young people should enjoy the holiday while also taking good care of themselves. Here are some suggestions for setting boundaries that will allow for all family members to have an enjoyable holiday:

Talking with Grandparents:

Some older people may be unfamiliar with the terminology and pronoun use that is common in the LGBTQIA+ community. Be patient with grandparents and older relatives, as their intentions might be good. It may be helpful to talk with grandparents before the holiday. A grandparent may not yet be able to accept and support their LGBTQIA+ grandchild, but they can still be expected to interact with their grandchild in a respectful manner when attending a family gathering. Offer explicit clarification for any new names to use, what pronouns to use, and how to demonstrate affirmative support, especially regarding clothing, hairstyles, make-up and tattoos. Grandparents just may surprise you with their acceptance!

Hang out with allies:

Try to seat LGBTQIA+ young people at dinner next to someone who is supportive of them and makes them feel safe. Allow everyone to spend the time before and after the holiday meal with the people they choose to be with.

For LGBTQIA+ young people who may not have family members who are able to provide affirming support, the goal may be just getting through the holiday. Let your LGBTQIA+ child know that you are trying to make the day feel manageable.

Acknowledge that your LGBTQIA+ child may be feeling sad or defeated by a family member’s intolerance. Encourage them to text with friends that make them laugh and feel loved. This kind of connection will allow them to feel better and remind them that they have people in their corner who adore them for their authentic self. And knowing that there is someone to vent with just may give everyone the power to enjoy the holiday.

Even in the most supportive and loving families, the holidays can feel overwhelming. It is ok for all family members to take some time to be alone and re-charge. Encourage everyone to make time to get outside and go for a walk, or take a nap or read a book. It is the right thing for everyone to make self-care a priority.

Kaleidoscope is always here for you and especially during the holidays. Our weekly virtual Pride Clubs for 12-17 year olds and weekly virtual Coffee Chat for 18-24 year olds are safe spaces to share your thoughts and feelings.

Questions?

For more information

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Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

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Season’s Greetings 2020 495 401 cj

Season’s Greetings 2020

Season’s Greetings 2020

We are heading into a most unusual winter holiday season due to the worldwide pandemic. For many people, connecting with family and friends during the holidays is something to look forward to each December. But this year may bring the fear of exposing relatives to the coronavirus, so people may be re-thinking what this year’s holidays will look like. For some people in the LGBTQ+ community, this may come with a sigh of relief as holiday gatherings can be a source of stress for those who do not feel like they can be their authentic selves with their families due to fear of rejection or negative responses. This may be the year to start new holiday celebrations that feel right for you.  

A Different Kind of Holiday Season

Family celebrations will certainly look different this year. Health fears may keep family members apart causing feelings of loneliness. If possible, make an effort to connect with family members and even share meals via Zoom. LGBTQ+ young people may feel anxious about some of these connections for fear that grandparents and other relatives may not accept their authentic selves. It can be helpful to remember that personal questions about friendships and romantic relationships are often an attempt at connection and that family members may need time to acknowledge and accept that they have an LGBTQ+ family member. If a question is asked that feels invasive, you can answer with as little or as much information as you feel comfortable with, and then change the subject. There may be unintentional incorrect use of pronouns with transgender family members. A gentle but firm correction along with a reminder that it is hurtful to be misgendered may be the remedy. Here are some suggestions for including older relatives via zoom gatherings. 

For the Ally’s

If you are a supportive parent or ally, perhaps this season will bring about opportunities for you to highlight the importance of acceptance and affirming support for the LGBTQ+ people in your life. And if the holidays go well with family members, be sure to follow up post-holiday to see if there are any questions and to say thank you for the love and support.  

LGBTQ+ young adults may decide to spend this year’s holidays with their partner or a very small group of chosen family. Hanging out, cooking together, or watching favorite movies can all make for lovely, intimate celebrations. Just be aware that people may feel anxious about gathering in even small groups so try to be understanding if some friends choose to not attend in person. There are plenty of ways to have online get-togethers. Check out this site for fun ideas for virtual holiday party ideas  

Traditions Done Safely

Think about the traditions you love and plan for how they can be done safely. For example, if you love holiday decorations, then definitely go for a walk in your neighborhood and admire the lights. Just wear a mask and practice social distancing. If baking holiday treats is what makes you happy, by all means bake to your heart’s content. And maybe brighten up a neighbor’s day by delivering a batch of treats – just remember to use disposable gloves when making your delivery. Here are some fun, delicious recipes with a LGBTQ+ twist. 

Be The Change

And if at all possible, be the change that you want to see in the world. There are many LGBTQ+ organizations who can use your time and energy this season. Research shows that 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+ and this time of year adds only more stress to a precarious living situation. Any extra blankets or outgrown clothes will be greatly appreciated by your local shelter. Giving back will definitely make this year feel more meaningful. 

And remember that all family members need down time and for self-care during the holidays. Leave plenty of time for reading books, listening to music, time for taking walks and exercise. 

Kaleidoscope wishes you the happiest of holidays and we wish you all the best in 2021! 

Kaleidoscope is always here for you and especially during the holidays. Our weekly virtual Pride Club for 12-17 year olds and weekly virtual Coffee Chat for 18-24 year olds are safe spaces to share your thoughts and feelings. For more information, please visit KaleidoscopeLGBTQ.org

Profile Picture of Jeri Rochman

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

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Have A Safe & Supportive Thanksgiving 495 400 cj

Have A Safe & Supportive Thanksgiving

How To Have A Safe & Supportive Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, bringing with it turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin spice lattes. For some, this is a much-anticipated family holiday. And while we hope that all members of our beautiful Kaleidoscope community will spend Thanksgiving with supportive families, we know that, for some, this may be a holiday with awkward and uncomfortable dinner table talk with family members that are still on their journey to acceptance.

If you are feeling unsure or nervous about what the Thanksgiving holiday may have in store, for yourself or for your LGBTQ+ child, you are not alone. Holidays carry a lot of emotional weight, but LGBTQ+ young people can still enjoy the holiday while also taking good care of their hearts and themselves. Here are some suggestions for setting boundaries that will allow for all family members to have an enjoyable holiday:

Talking with Grandparents:

Some older people may be unfamiliar with the terminology and pronoun use that is common in the LGBTQ+ community. Be patient with grandparents and older relatives, as their intentions might be good. It may be helpful to talk with grandparents before the holiday. A grandparent may not yet be able to accept and support their LGBTQ+ grandchild, but they can still be expected to interact with their grandchild in a respectful manner when attending a family gathering. Offer explicit clarification for any new names to use, what pronouns to use, and how to demonstrate affirmative support, especially regarding clothing, hairstyles, make-up and tattoos. Grandparents just may surprise you with their acceptance!

Hang out with allies:

Try to seat LGBTQ+ young people at dinner next to someone who is supportive of them and make them feel safe. Allow everyone to spend the time before and after the holiday meal with the people they choose to be with.

Avoid Political Discussions:

With the political landscape so heated right now, the best way to practice self-care may be to just opt out if conversations turn political. Even for the most passionate advocates, the holidays may not be the best time to change people’s minds. Better to save everyone’s energy for another time. If politics does come up and you are not comfortable with the conversation, nor able to change it, you can have an “exit” strategy where you leave the table/conversation with a pre-determined excuse.

For LGBTQ+ young people who may not have family members who are able to provide affirming support or who may be spending the holiday alone, the goal may be just getting through the holiday. Let your LGBTQ+ child know that you are trying to make the day feel manageable.

Acknowledge that your LGBTQ+ child may be feeling sad or defeated by a family member’s intolerance. Encourage them to text with friends that make them laugh and feel loved. This kind of connection will allow them to feel better and remind them that they have people in their corner who adore them for their authentic self. And knowing that there is someone to vent with just may give everyone the power to enjoy the holiday.

Even in the most supportive and loving families, the holidays can feel overwhelming. It is ok for all family members to take some time to be alone and re-charge. Encourage everyone to make time to get outside and go for a walk, or take a nap or read a book. It is the right thing for everyone to make self-care a priority.

Kaleidoscope is always here for you and especially during the holidays. Our weekly virtual Pride Club for 12-17 year olds and weekly virtual Coffee Chat for 18-24 year olds are safe spaces to share your thoughts and feelings. For more information, please visit KaleidoscopeLGBTQ.org

Profile Picture of Jeri Rochman

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

Contact

EmailWebsite
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Reflections, Resilience, & Resources 495 400 cj

Reflections, Resilience, & Resources

Reflections, Resilience, & Resources

Happy New Year!

While we’re engaged in a moment of reflection, let’s take a moment to reflect upon how far the LGBTQ+ community has come on the path to being accepted as equals and acknowledged for the beautiful diversity of sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression that are represented.   Let’s also take a moment to acknowledge the brave LGBTQ+ folks who came before us, paving the way for us to live more openly and equally.  While it’s true that we still have a long way to go to achieve equal rights and overcome anti-gay and anti-transgender bias, it’s also true that we have come a long way toward achieving that goal, as this reflection of the following historical event in Los Angeles will demonstrate.

You may have heard of the Stonewall Riots in New York 50 years ago.  It’s a lesser known fact that two years before that, Los Angeles experienced its own uprising from the LGBTQ+ community.   On New Year’s Eve in 1966, a sting operation by undercover police officers targeted patrons of gay bars by arresting same-sex people who kissed at midnight.  As it was illegal at the time to engage in homosexual acts, including giving a New Year’s kiss to a loved one, an estimated 14 people were arrested from the Black Cat Tavern in Silver Lake. They were charged with lewd conduct, and many of them were forced to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.  Back then, with  arrests like these, pictures and names were often published in newspapers and could lead to LGBTQ+ people being legally fired from their jobs, ostracized by their families, or even placed in mental institutions and subjected to shock therapy.

Following this event, though, many members of the LGBTQ+ community decided to take a brave stand against such biased atrocities.  More than two hundred people ultimately gathered outside of the Black Cat to peacefully protest the police raids, risking losing their jobs, families, and friends by potentially being photographed by the papers.  The community had begun to risk everything to achieve basic rights that so many of us now take for granted.

Today, many of us enjoy the right to live openly, including being able to kiss a loved one on New Year’s Eve, without the fear of being arrested or placed in a mental institution.  We’ve come a long way as a community.  Even so, we could also use some individual support and assistance connecting to peer groups.  Many LGBTQ+ people still live in fear of losing loved ones or even facing violence simply for expressing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.  Such fear often contributes to mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, poor self-esteem, suicidality, and alcohol/substance misuse.

At Kaleidoscope, we understand these challenges and the associated impact on one’s mental and emotional health.  We  are here to help.  We offer an array of services, including individual therapy, group therapy, and individual coaching, as well as free social groups and events with peers and allies – all to help LGBTQ+ teens and young adults receive necessary support and improve their sense of well-being.  We also offer support for parents who are struggling with acceptance but want to become stronger allies for a LGBTQ+ loved one.   If you feel that you could benefit from any of these services, groups, or events, please reach out to us!

For more information about The Black Cat protest, we recommend reading this interview with Alexei Romanoff, the last surviving organizer of Personal Rights in Defense and Education (P.R.I.D.E.), one of the groups that helped stage the 1967 protest.

About the author

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Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services? Contact Kaleidoscope by email today!

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Graciously Giving our Authentic Selves 495 400 cj

Graciously Giving our Authentic Selves

Graciously Giving our Authentic Selves

The holidays are here!  For most people, this is a time of gathering with family and friends and joining in the spirit of giving.  At Kaleidoscope, we recognize that one of the most valuable gifts we can give to others is being our authentic selves.  Most people want to be honest about who they are with the people who they love.  This isn’t always easy for someone who is LGBTQ+, though.  In fact, sometimes it may even be unsafe.  Research shows that 40 percent of homeless youth in Los Angeles (and nationally) identify as LGBTQ+ and many of them are homeless due to family rejection.  It’s easy to understand why revealing this part of oneself can be so frightening when it so often leads to negative responses or even being ostracized.

Are you a LGBTQ+ teen who’s wondering how to handle questions from loved ones during a holiday gathering like “Do you have a boyfriend?” when that question might not accurately reflect your sexual orientation or gender identity?  Perhaps you’re someone who is a strong ally of a LGBTQ+ youth in your family and you’re wondering how to be supportive?  Kaleidoscope is here to help!  It helps to consider such things beforehand and to have a plan in place.

For LGBTQ+ teens:  Consider what you’re willing to share with loved ones and what you’d rather keep to yourself at this time.  You may not be ready to be out to everyone (or even anyone) in your family – and that’s okay!  If you would like to share part of your LGBTQ+ identity and feel safe to do so, then it’s still a good idea to have in mind how much you feel comfortable sharing – and who you feel best sharing that with.  When adults ask you personal questions, it’s just because they’re trying to connect with you.  It’s okay to just say no to a question and then change the subject to something you do want to talk about.  In this way, you can still connect more comfortably.  Also, it’s a good idea to tell a friend that you may need their support via text during your family visit.  Allow yourself small breaks if you need them.  Remind yourself that this moment will pass and that your family may become more understanding and supportive over time.

For supportive allies:  Consider ahead of time how you may support your LGBTQ+ loved one around other family members who may not be as supportive.  If you’re hosting the party, perhaps it would be a good idea to lay some ground rules with relatives about what topics would best be avoided at the family gathering.  (Only if it’s safe to make such a request – we wouldn’t want to out anyone in this way.)  Maybe you and your LGBTQ+ loved one could have a code word together that they could express to you when they need some supportive help?   It’s also a good idea to consider what family traditions your family engages in and see which ones may need to be adapted a little to help your LGBTQ+ loved one feel more included.  If that’s not easy to do, then maybe it’s time to introduce a new family tradition instead.

It would be wonderful if the holidays actually went as smoothly as we would like them to go.  Most everyone has good intentions.  Most everyone wants to connect lovingly with their families and friends and be able to authentically be themselves.  Who knows?  Some families may even be able to do so without a hitch!  If your family is one that doesn’t, though, we hope that these suggestions help LGBTQ+ youth and young adults as well as their allies during the holidays.  Remember the importance of also creating a chosen community family as well, for additional needed social support.  If you would like to connect with LGBTQ+ peers or with other strong allies, please check out our Events page and see what upcoming free group or event would help you do just that! Kaleidoscope wishes you and your family safe and happy holidays!

About the author

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Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services? Contact Kaleidoscope by email today!

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A Kaleidoscope Challenge: Expressing Gratitude! 495 400 cj

A Kaleidoscope Challenge: Expressing Gratitude!

A Kaleidoscope Challenge: Expressing Gratitude!

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it’s the perfect opportunity to focus on gratitude!

As members of the LGBTQ+ community (or perhaps as an ally,) it’s all too easy to be aware of the anti-gay and anti-transgender biases that LGBTQ+ folks face in our daily lives.  We experience them in community settings like school or work, through online bullying, by discriminating laws enacted by the government, and often maybe even in our own homes.  It’s good to be aware of it, because perhaps that will inspire us to work toward creating positive change, set healthy boundaries for ourselves, or join with others in safe spaces.  While we deal with it, though, it can be exhausting.  If you’re like me, it might make you sad just to think about it.

Let’s shift our attention for a moment away from those messages and focus on the affirming ones, instead.  Who in your life has demonstrated unconditional positive regard for you?  Do you have a friend who you can tell anything to without fear of judgment?  Does a teacher encourage you to be who you are in a safe space?  Do you get a friendly smile from your neighbor?   Do you have a dog who gets happy every time you come home?

Wayne Dyer said, “We expand what we focus on.”  What exactly does that mean?  It means that if we consciously choose to notice something, then we’ll notice it more often.  By doing so, the amount that we experience that thing will grow.

With that in mind, Kaleidoscope presents a challenge to you:  Make the conscious choice to notice three new things that you’re grateful for every day for a whole week.  It can be something major in your life, like your mom or a best friend, or it can be something minor, like the smell of fresh bread or feeling the grass between your toes.  Be on the lookout for what to be grateful for on any given day, then write those three things down in a Gratitude Journal or create a list on your phone.  If you do this, you will feel better by the end of the week than you did at the beginning.  Don’t believe me?  Try it!

If you really want to feel good, take a moment to express your gratitude to those around you that provide you with loving and affirming support.  Who knows – you might help make them feel better, too!

Kaleidoscope is offering a great opportunity for you to express your gratitude toward a person who has shown you affirming support in your LGBTQ+ identity.  In honor of Thanksgiving, we invite you to make a token of appreciation for a loved one who has been an ally to you in your LGBTQ+ identity.  This person can be anyone in your life – a family member, friend, teacher, therapist, or perhaps a coach.  Get creative and have fun while expressing your gratitude for their support.  You could make them a bracelet out of string, write them a poem, bake them a cupcake – whatever sounds fun and meaningful.  If you have trouble thinking of someone who has been an ally to you, please reach out to us.  We are happy to be your ally and we look forward to inviting you to our free social event groups where new friends will gladly celebrate who you are.

In fact, we are grateful for you!

Are you someone who’s interested in becoming an ally for an LGBTQ+ loved one?  Would you like to build upon the skills and knowledge that you already have as an ally?  On Nov. 15, 2019 in Sherman Oaks, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm, Kaleidoscope is hosting a workshop training on LGBTQ+ themes – including considerations for those who are neurodivergent, such as being on the autism spectrum.  It’s an opportunity to learn new tools to be a more supportive and affirming ally.  Ask questions, receive information, resources, and support from licensed professionals and peers.  It’s never too late to become an ally or to improve upon your level of support.  We’re also here to support the supporters!  We’re grateful for you, too.

Download a Printable Gratitude Journal Worksheet

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Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services? Contact Kaleidoscope by email today!

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