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23 LGBTQ+ Books To Read In 2023
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23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023 495 400 cj

23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023
23 LGBTQ+ Books To Read In 2023

23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023

By Leo Kirkham

Finding a good book is no easy feat. But whether it’s gray and rainy or shining and bright, this list of 23 new releases in 2023 books will help you get through your day with a smile on your face. Books with autistic representation are marked with an asterisk (*).

The Daughters of Izdihar by Hadeer Elsbai

In this book inspired by modern Egyptian history, Nehal is a young woman who desires to pursue an education in elemental magic. However, her father’s debts force her into an arranged marriage with a man who is in love with another woman, a bookseller named Giorgina. Giorgina is an earthweaver with uncontrollable powers who participates in the Daughters of Izdihar, a radical women’s rights group. As tensions rise with a neighboring nation and war looms in the background, Nehal and Giorgina must struggle to earn and keep their freedom.

Young adult, fantasy

Available January 10, 2023

A Tale Of Two Princes by Eric Geron

In this Parent Trap-style story, Edward and Billy are long-lost twins living vastly different lives–one as a prince, one in rural Montana–until a chance reunion in NYC brings them together. This story of growing pains and new beginnings is kicking off our year with a royal start.

Young adult, contemporary

Available January 10, 2023

Sorry, Bro by Taleen Voskuni

An Armenian-American woman is thrust into a month-long event series called “Explore Armenia” by her mother, who is pressuring her to find a husband. But it’s not the mom-approved doctor or engineer who catches her eye, it’s a woman named Erebuni. As the closing event looms and her whole family will be there, her worlds – proudly Armenian, proudly bisexual – are about to collide.

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available January 31, 2023

The Black Queen by Jumata Emill

Nova, the first Black homecoming queen at Lovett High, is found murdered. Her best friend, Duchess, is determined to expose the killer, who she believes is the beautiful, wealthy, and white popular girl who wanted the crown for herself, Tinsley McArthur. Duchess’s father is the first Black police captain in Lovett, and he falls behind the blue line and lets Tinsley walk. In order to prove that Tinsley is guilty, Duchess is going to have to get close to her.

Young adult, mystery

Available January 31, 2023

Hijab Butch Blues: A Memoir by Lamya H

A play on the classic novel, Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg , Hijab Butch Blues focuses on a queer hijabi Muslim immigrant who is surviving her coming of age by drawing strength from the Quran.

Nonfiction, memoir

Available February 7, 2023

She is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran

Another spooky read, She is a Haunting tells the story of a young Vietnamese girl, closeted to her estranged father, visiting him for a month in his French colonial house he is renovating. She wants to get in and get out of the house with the college money her father has promised her, but the house has other ideas. She keeps waking up paralyzed and covered in insect legs, haunted by the ghost of a bride who gives her one warning: don’t eat.

Young adult, horror

Available February 28, 2023

*The Ojja-Wojja by Magdalene Visaggio and Jenn St-Onge (illustrator)

Val and Lanie, eighth graders in a mysterious small town, experience a ghost sighting. After a run-in with the school’s queen bee (and Lanie’s former friend), they accidentally summon the Ojja-Wojja, a demon connected to the town’s dark history. With all hell breaking loose, Val, Lanie, and their small group of friends must save the town.

Graphic novel, horror, mystery

Available Mary 7, 2023

Something Wild & Wonderful by Anita Kelley

From the author of Love & Other Disasters comes a story about two men hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. In a grumpy-meets-sunshine rom-com, these two men must make decisions about their journeys – on the trail and off.

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available March 7, 2023

*This Is the Way the World Ends by Jen Wilde

At a scholarship dinner for her prestigious school, Waverly witnesses a brutal murder, followed by a global blackout. Waverly, her crush, and her friends must navigate through a maze of elevators, secret passageways, and back rooms to escape the masquerade ball and survive the night.

Young adult, mystery, thriller

May 9, 2023

The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour

The Season 9 winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race combines memoir, queer theory, and history into a stunning manifesto of drag.

Nonfiction, memoir, illustrated

Available April 4, 2023

Just As You Are by Camille Kellogg

As a writer at a queer magazine, Liz is not thrilled to learn that a new minority investor, Daria, is making big changes at her firm to cut costs. Daria is also critical of Liz’s writing, but just when Liz thinks she’s going to get herself fired with a mouthy comment, she spends more time with Daria and gets to know her soft side. Against her better judgment, Liz is feeling chemistry between them. Where will they go from here?

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available April 25, 2023

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune

In this sci-fi retelling of Pinocchio, a human raised by a robot learns of his father’s dark past, and their family is suddenly on the run from authorities. To save his robot father from being deprogrammed, Victor must make decisions about what love and family means.

Adult, sci-fi, fantasy, fairytale retelling

Available April 25, 2023

*Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl by Sara Waxelbaum and Brianna R. Shrum

Freshly out as gay to herself, and an overachiever, Margo is determined to master her gayness. In exchange for history tutoring, Abbie gives Margo Zimmerman “Queer 101” lessons. But as they spend more time together, Margo starts to realize she doesn’t want just any girl – she wants the girl.

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 2, 2023

The Sun And The Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro

For Percy Jackson fans, this new book features the side characters and gay couple Nico and Will in a book of their own. Filled with mythology and adventure, this is a don’t-miss for fans.

Middle grade, fantasy

Available May 2, 2023

Only This Beautiful Moment by Abdi Nazemian

From the Stonewall Honor-winning author of Like a Love Story comes a story of three boys from separate generations of an Iranian family – one in 1939, one in 1978, and another in 2019 – each of them battling a unique challenge with their identity, sexuality, and intergenerational trauma.

Young adult, contemporary, historical fiction

Available May 9, 2023

You Don’t Have a Shot by Racquel Marie

Valentina arrives at her childhood summer soccer camp only to realize that her soccer rival, Leticia, is now her co-captain, and college scouts will be watching their skills as a team. Will they be able to put aside their differences and work together?

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 9, 2023

Fake Dates and Mooncakes by Sher Lee

In this young adult rom-com, Dylan wants to win the mooncake-making competition to support his family, but when distraction Theo shows up and asks him to be his fake date to a wedding in the Hamptons, can Dylan follow his heart and save his family’s business?

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 16, 2023

*The Luis Ortega Survival Club by Sonora Reyes

Warnings: sexual assault

Ariana, a queer autistic girl, is a victim of sexual assault at a high school party. When an unlikely group of students emerges determined to expose the truth and defend Ariana, this brave and heart-wrenching story turns to one of friendship and camaraderie when it matters most.

Young adult, contemporary

Available May 23, 2023

Pageboy by Elliot Page

The famous actor came out as trans in 2020 and plans to release his memoir this year. He wrote in his book announcement, “Books have helped me, saved me even, so I hope this can help someone feel less alone, feel seen, no matter who they are or what path they are on.”

Nonfiction, memoir

Available June 6, 2023

The Sea Elephants by Shastri Akella

Set in 1990s India, a young gay man runs away to escape his father’s threats to send him to a conversion camp. He joins a street theater troupe, playing the role of humans and gods, men and women, and he finally starts to feel like himself.

Adult, literary fiction

Available July 11, 2023

by Jake Maia Arlow

This book follows a middle school girl dealing with a Crohn’s disease diagnosis and the discovery that she is queer. With humor and honesty, this book is perfect for your middle schooler or for anyone willing to revisit those painful years.

Middle grade, contemporary

Available August 1, 2023

Teach the Torches to Burn by Caleb Roehrig

In this Romeo & Juliet retelling, a queer teen boy in Verona, Italy harbors a secret from his family: he only likes boys, and he doesn’t want to marry a woman to uphold his family’s “honor.” One night, he sneaks into a Capulet party with his cousin and meets Valentine, the sweetest, most beautiful boy. A tender romance begins as the conflict between the Montagues and the Capulets rages on, and Romeo and Valentine are in danger of losing each other forever.

Young adult, historical fiction, Shakespeare retelling

Available August 22, 2023

*The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

In late 1800s London, a transgender boy with autism and the ability to commune with spirits falls ill and is sent away to a boarding school, where the ghosts of missing students begin asking him for help.

Young adult, horror, historical

Available September 5, 2023

Looking for fun, social programming for a teen or young adult, visit Kaleidoscope’s events page here.

Interested in therapy?  The Help Group’s Lumina Counseling has appointment availability throughout the week and weekends, both in-person and online. To learn more, visit Lumina Counseling’s website here.

Self Love on Valentine's Day
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Self Love on Valentine’s Day 495 400 cj

Self Love on Valentine’s Day
Self Love on Valentine's Day

Self Love on Valentine’s Day

By Leo Kirkham

Valentine’s Day is an ancient holiday that has changed over time from a feast day to honor the Christian martyr Saint Valentine, to a holiday celebrating love and romance across the world.

Some queer and trans people feel that Valentine’s Day is an overly commercialized, heteronormative holiday. There’s a social expectation on Valentine’s Day that a man will purchase flowers, chocolates, and a Hallmark greeting card for a woman.

From a trans person who doesn’t fit this gender binary, to a gay man who would prefer to be buying the chocolates for another man, to an asexual or aromantic person who doesn’t even have an interest in the whole affair, there are many ways that this traditional Valentine’s narrative does not fit the LGBTQIA community.

Rather than participating in the commercial holiday – or in addition to it! – I suggest the following tips for cultivating self-love and community on Valentine’s Day:

Let go of the need for a date or romance on Valentine’s Day.

You don’t need to participate in romance if you’re not interested. Cancel that dinner reservation and have a cozy night in with your friends, family, or loved ones. Love can take many forms.

Make handmade Valentines instead of buying a generic card.

The love and care that goes into a handmade card can be felt by the receiver. Have fun with some arts and crafts and make your own Valentine this year.

Not feeling crafty, but still want to bring a smile to your friends’ faces? Look up some Valentine’s memes and send them the pictures!

Take yourself on a date.

Draw yourself a bubble bath, read a nice book, curl up on the couch with some reality TV and takeout… You deserve love and care too!

Volunteer in your community.

If you’re feeling lonely, the greatest way to feel connected to your community is to give back. Volunteer with a group like the LA LGBT Center and see the impact you have on others.

Write a love letter to yourself.

This one is challenging, but try writing yourself a love letter. Write down: “Dear [name], I love you. Let me count the ways.” And list 20-30 things you love about yourself, or as many as you can. Read the letter out loud to yourself. Fold it up and slip it in a safe place to come back to it and reread it later.

This Valentine’s Day, I hope you feel loved by your community, your friends, your family, and most of all, yourself.

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community: Reflecting Back and Looking Ahead
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Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community 495 401 cj

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community
Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community: Reflecting Back and Looking Ahead

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community

By Leo Kirkham

The New Year is a time for reflection and renewal. For the LGBTQ community, the New Year can be a time to remember the past year’s accomplishments and losses for queer and trans people.

There is no denying that 2022 was a difficult year for the LGBTQ community. From the Club Q mass shooting that left 5 dead, 19 injured, and an entire community grieving and destabilized, to armed far right Proud Boy protesters shutting down drag queen story times, our right to gather and express ourselves freely is being threatened by violence, intimidation, and hate.

2022 was a record year for anti-LGBTQ legislation: over 162 bills restricting LGBTQ rights were introduced in state legislatures. 58 were related to youth athletics, 44 had restrictions on curriculum, 30 had restrictions on adolescent healthcare, and 17 were related to religious and First Amendment exemptions.

But things are not all bad for the LGBTQ community. We are continuing to live and thrive as our authentic selves despite the hostility in the world.

In hopeful news, the House and the Senate just passed the Respect for Marriage Act, protecting same-sex and interracial marriages. Reception from the LGBTQ community has been mixed: on the one hand, the law passed and will protect same-sex marriages if the Supreme Court overturns Obergefell v. Hodges. On the other hand, it does not require states to legalize same-sex marriage, only to recognize legal marriages from other states.

Earlier this year, clinical trials began for three different HIV vaccines.

The Biden Administration began paying survivor’s benefits to LGBTQ elders.

Brittney Griner, a WNBA basketball star and Black lesbian, was just released from a Russian penal colony where she was held for ten months for possession of a vape containing hashish oil. She was returned to the U.S. during a prisoner exchange negotiated by the Biden administration.

This year, the “X” gender marker (an alternative to “F” and “M”) became available on U.S. passports. The Social Security Administration also no longer requires a doctor’s note to confirm a change of gender.

A new California bill will protect trans kids and their families fleeing states like Texas, Florida, Alabama, and Idaho which are criminalizing gender affirming healthcare for trans youth. SB 107 in California, proposed by Scott Wiener, will go into effect on January 1, 2023.

So what can we expect next year? We can only expect to see the progress that we fight for. The successes that we see in our public sphere and private lives must be celebrated as we continue to work toward justice and equality.

What are you doing next year for queer and trans kids? Some ways to give back are to donate to organizations like Equality Texas, Equality Florida, Trans Lifeline, Sylvia Rivera Law Project, and the Marsha P. Johnson Institute. You can also give a gift to a transgender youth this holiday season through Trans Santa. Consider joining your school board and advocating for LGBTQ students in your school district. Looking for more resources to support your child or trans youth in general? Check out transyouthequality.org/for-parents.

Next year, we can expect to see queer and trans resilience, excellence, love, and joy. We’re here, we’re queer, and it’s a new year.

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week
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Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week 495 401 cj

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week
Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week

By Leo Kirkham

Five Topics to Learn About This Transgender Awareness Week

It’s Transgender Awareness Week, which runs from November 13 to 19, 2022 and culminates in National Trangender Day of Remembrance, November 20.

What is Transgender Day of Remembrance?

November 20 is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance, which started as a vigil for Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was murdered in 1998. Founded by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith, the vigil honored all transgender people lost to anti-trans violence that year, and became an annual observance.

One way to be a trans ally is to attend a local Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil. The vigil often involves reading a list of names of transgender people who died that year. Gender Justice LA is hosting a vigil and so is LA CA Network.

What are transgender youth facing right now?

In the current culture, there is a strong anti-trans backlash against the social progress that has been made for transgender and gender non-conforming people. Transgender youth are facing the brunt of this backlash, under the guise of “protecting children” from the “harm” of progressive gender norms.

In Florida, all transgender youth undergoing medical transition are being detransitioned and banned from receiving gender-affirming medical care. Many other states are considering bills to restrict or ban transition-related medical care for minors, and even for adults. Still other states are banning transgender students from participating in sports – even in states where there are no out transgender students trying to compete in sports.

According to the Trevor Project, 94% of LGBTQ youth reported that recent politics negatively impacted their mental health. More than half of transgender and nonbinary youth considered suicide in the past year.

Is the news all bad?

No When transgender and nonbinary youth live with people who respect their pronouns, they attempt suicide at half the rate as trans and nonbinary youth who lives with people who don’t. Trans and nonbinary youth are less suicidal when their schools, homes, and online spaces are transgender-affirming. And when those trans and nonbinary youth have access to gender affirming name changes and birth marker changes on legal documents, they have lower suicide attempts (Trevor Project).

In short: If you are a parent to a transgender youth and you are reading this, your child is safer and has better mental health as a direct result of your love and support.

Additionally, progress is being made nationally for transgender and LGBTQ rights. At least 16 states and Washington D.C. are ranked as “high” for gender equality, according to the Movement Advancement Project. That’s where 45% of the LGBTQ population lives. In 2020, the Supreme Court held that LGBTQ employees are protected from workplace discrimination. In 2021, the Biden administration extended Title IX protections to transgender students by requiring that schools receiving federal funding not discriminate on the basis of gender identity (U Chicago).

What about transgender history? Where can I learn about that?

Transgender people are in the news a lot right now – but we’re not new. We’ve been around for thousands of years, as long as human culture has.

Since ancient times, hijras in India and kathoeys in Thailand have formed social and spiritual communities with each other, centered around a transfeminine third gender role. Before European colonization and in modern times, North American Indigenous cultures have recognized Two-Spirit identities: people who reach beyond the traditional male and female gender roles. There were Roman priests and a Roman emperor (Elagabalus) believed to be trans women.

In more modern history, the early 1900s saw the first gender affirmation surgeries. Much progress was made by Magnus Hirschfeld at the German Institute of Sex Research for transgender medicine and trans rights, before his work was destroyed by the Nazi Party in 1933. In 1952, American trans woman Christine Jorgensen’s gender transition brought awareness to North America of sex reassignment surgery.

Lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender people fought back against police violence in the 1959 Coopers Donuts Riots, 1966 Compton’s Cafeteria Riot, and the 1969 Stonewall Riots. In the 1970s, Lou Sullivan started FTM International and pioneered visibility for gay trans men. At the same time, feminist groups began to resist the inclusion of trans women in their spaces, which has become known as trans-exclusionary radical feminism. In the 1980s, trans women were victims of the AIDS crisis alongside gay and bisexual men. By the 1990s and 2000s, the Transgender Day of Remembrance had begun and trans marches were gaining popularity. Trans people began to be elected to public offices, and legislation began to recognize the rights of people regardless of gender identity and expression (Wikipedia).

What else should I educate myself on as an ally?

Some important issues to be aware of as an ally are intersectionality and the ways that transgender people of color are doubly impacted by racism and transphobia. For example, Black trans people and other trans people of color are more likely to be discriminated against in a job, be homeless, experience interpersonal violence, or experience mental health problems. Trans people of color have higher rates of poverty and more barriers to receiving gender affirming medical care and legal name and gender marker changes (National LGBTQ Taskforce).

Transgender people are diverse. We come in as many varieties as you can imagine. Which means that trans people carry other marginalized identities alongside being transgender: trans people can be gay, lesbian, or bisexual as well; we can be disabled or neurodivergent; we can be people of color; we can be poor, homeless, or incarcerated. Being aware of the issues facing transgender people and other diverse groups in society is the first step to being a good trans ally.

Happy Transgender Awareness Week. Thank you for reading and learning with us.

Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin
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Our Bodies are Already Ready 495 401 cj

Our Bodies are Already Ready
Our Bodies Are Already Ready by Jay Baldwin

Our Bodies are Already Ready

By Jay Baldwin

Summer is upon us, which for many of us brings up images of splashing in the ocean, relaxing by the pool, and soaking up the sun. But every year right before summer, the inevitable shadow is cast upon this otherwise bright season. “Are you beach body ready?” the ads ask us. “Get yourself ready for bikini season!” From magazines, to diet ads, to many other kinds of media, the message is clear: Only certain kinds of bodies are acceptable, desirable, and appropriate for summer, and if we don’t have one of those kinds of bodies, we need to get them “ready”

The Ideal Body Type?

The “ideal” body type in our culture is typically one that is white, cisgender, thin, and able bodied. Messages like this are rooted in patriarchy, misogyny and racism, and have perpetuated a great deal of harm toward people of all genders. Queer and trans bodies, which have been historically othered and positioned as less than compared to their straight and cisgender peers, are impacted by these messages in very specific ways. Not only is there pressure to “get one’s body ready” from an aesthetic standpoint, there is the actual process of moving through the world and buying a swimsuit that can be very challenging for many LGBTQ+ folks, particularly transgender, non binary and any individual – trans or cisgender – who is gender non conforming.

Swimwear can perpetuate the Gender Binary

Swimwear and bathing suits are almost always gendered pieces of clothing that perpetuate the gender binary – the idea that there are only two genders (men and women) and that there are “acceptable” or assumed ways that boys/men and girls/women will dress. They also emphasize certain body parts that can cause trans, non binary and gender non conforming individuals to experience gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is term that describes unease, discomfort or anxiety – sometimes severe –  that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex characteristics and their gender identity. A day at the beach or the pool, one that we associate with fun, carefree times, can be a deeply uncomfortable experience, or one that is avoided altogether, for anyone who cannot find swim wear that is comfortable, affordable and affirms their gender identity and expression.

For trans, non binary and gender non conforming youth who are just coming into their identities and their bodies, this can be a particularly vulnerable time as we head into summer. These youth may be in various stages of coming out and/or in gender transition. They may wonder “Is it safe to present as my chosen gender in a swimsuit? Will I be able to use the correct changing room without being harassed? Will I be misgendered if I wear one kind of bathing suit versus another?”

Affirming Support can make all the difference

If an LGBTQ+ child or teen needs support and help finding a bathing suit, an affirming adult can make all the difference. Let the LGBTQ+ youth in your life know that you know this is not an easy experience, and that they deserve to feel comfortable and happy in their bodies, no matter what they are wearing. It is also important to emphasize that you understand that clothing has no gender, and that they are not obligated to wear anything that gender norms dictate they “should”.

Fortunately, there are now many gender inclusive companies that make swimsuits for LGBTQ+ youth and adults that are comfortable, high quality and gender affirming.

10 Best Places To Buy Gender Inclusive Swimwear has wonderful reviews of many companies that make swimwear for all bodies, genders and gender expressions, and is a refreshing departure from companies that only sell outdated “men and women” swimwear.

This summer, I want to say to the LGBTQ+ community, we’re already ready! We were ready long before anyone told us that we should look, think and act according to harmful and quite frankly ridiculous standards, and we’re waiting for everyone else to catch up. The time is now. May we celebrate our queer and trans bodies, in all their uniqueness, strength and diversity, and shine just as bright as the summer sun.

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The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns 495 400 cj

The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns

The Importance of Correct Gender Pronouns

Pronouns are important! We use them daily when we interact with people and also when we refer to someone in the third person. But, when we use a pronoun, there is an implied gender which may not always be accurate. So even if you think you know a person’s gender, it just isn’t polite to assume.

If you aren’t sure about someone’s pronouns and you are not in a place where it feels safe to ask, then a good default position is to use “they/them/theirs.”  People may feel a bit uncomfortable at first with “they/them/their” pronouns because it can be viewed as a plural term for a singular person. But we actually use “they/them/their” quite often! For example, you might say, “Someone’s at the door. I wonder what they want?”

If you make a mistake, or incorrectly assume someone’s pronouns without asking first, you might be sending a hurtful message even if your intentions are good. Taking the time to use a person’s correct gender pronouns is one way you can show your respect for their identity.

You might feel unsure about how to best ask someone for their pronouns. Here are a few suggestions you can use to show that you want to be inclusive and respectful when meeting someone new:

1. Offer your pronouns first

Let’s normalize offering pronouns when we offer our names! If pronouns are not offered, it is implied that a person’s gender matches their gender expression –  but that might not always be the case.  A person’s gender can be expressed through their name, pronouns, clothing, or haircut. Some people’s gender expression does reflect their gender identity but sometimes it does not.

Offering your pronouns when you meet someone new conveys that you want to be inclusive and that you are a safe person for an LGBTQ+ individual to engage with,

Example: “Hi, I’m Taylor and I use he/him/his pronouns. How about you?”

2. If you are going to ask someone about their pronouns, ask in private

You never want to put someone else on the spot so you shouldn’t ask someone about their pronouns if you are in a big group of people. If you can take a moment away from the group, then you can politely make the inquiry.

Example: “I want to share with you that I use she/her/hers pronouns. If you are comfortable sharing, may I ask which pronouns you use?”

3. Use their pronouns

Once you have met someone and they shared their pronouns, then you should use them! If this is new to you, that is ok but you should still make the effort. You can practice in your head or aloud when you are alone in your car or room. And if you do make a mistake, calmly apologize, make the correction, and move on. And if someone else makes a mistake and misgenders someone, politely make the correction as well.

Example:  Mistaken Person: “Oh, I see Dylan left her jacket on the chair. I will go give it to her.”

Enlightened You: “That’s very nice of you! And, remember, Dylan uses the pronouns   they/them/their.”

4. What if a person is nervous about sharing their pronouns?

A person’s safety and well-being is the most important consideration of all. If someone doesn’t want to share their public pronouns they absolutely do not have to! No one should ever be made to feel pressured to divulge anything personal at any time, or at any place – no exceptions.

5. What if a person doesn’t know their pronouns?

It is absolutely understandable to feel confused or uncertain about your own gender identity. A person can feel quite certain one day about their gender identity and wake the next day and feel utterly uncertain. People need the space and time to realize what feels most affirming to them. Labels can be a helpful tool to describe gender identity but they are not required!

Want to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community? Please join us! Kaleidoscope offers free groups and clubs for teens ages 12-17 and young adults 18-24. We also have a free bi- monthly parent/ally/caregiver support group.

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Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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Kaleidoscope Pride! 400 300 cj

Kaleidoscope Pride!

Kaleidoscope Pride!

It is with great excitement that we are launching the Kaleidoscope website, as we are thrilled to be able to reach more people and provide support.  It is also a happy coincidence that this launch coincides with LGBTQ+ Pride month!  We are certainly proud to be able to work with our LGBTQ+ youth and young adults and we also encourage them to feel proud of who they are.  Check out our Events page to find out where you and your families can show your support by attending Pride events this month.  You may encounter us at a Kaleidoscope booth when you do…  Please say hello!

What is the significance of showing LGBTQ+ Pride?  Perhaps in your own family, you’ve heard the question asked, “Why don’t people just keep that private?  I’m straight and I don’t feel the need to throw a parade about it.”

To address that question fully, we need to go back to the not-so-distant past… Straight, cisgender people were never thrown in jail for being born that way.  However, being LGBT was a criminal offense in California until 1975!  Until then, patrons of gay bars were often placed under arrest and their names were printed in local newspapers, leading to being fired from jobs and ostracized from families.  It was also a criminal offense to be in public wearing articles of clothing that did not “match” the gender on one’s identification!  It took acts of civil disobedience (basically, standing up and being proud of who we are in the face of intense opposition) to change laws and be treated more equally.

This struggle for equality continues to this day.  And to be seen, we must be visible.  In battling a 1978 proposition that would make it legal for teachers suspected of being LGBT in California to be fired, Harvey Milk shouted the battle cry “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”  Today, we understand that coming out is a challenging and ongoing process that must be done safely at the own pace of each individual.  For those who are safely able to, however, standing up and being seen and affirmed for who we are can be an incredibly empowering act.  And it helps others to be able to do the same.

Perhaps Artem Kolesov said it best:  “We don’t come out for heterosexual people to know.  We don’t come out for the ones who hate us to know.  We shout and make as much noise as possible just so other people like us who are scared and can’t be themselves would know that they are not a mistake and they are not alone.”

At Kaleidoscope, we hope to help you see that – although you are beautifully unique – you are not alone.  Whether you are able to express who you are to just one supportive person or to the world from atop a parade float, you bring your own colorful expression to this world.  You are special.  We are here to support you.  We are proud to stand with you.  In fact, at Kaleidoscope, we are proud of you!

About the author

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Bryan Scheihing is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides individual, group, and family therapy support with the Kaleidoscope program as well as working in the community to promote positive institutional support of LGBTQ+ individuals. He has dedicated his professional life to helping provide affirmative support to members of the LGBTQ+ community by promoting awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and equality while also helping individuals realize their potential and achieve their goals. Interested in receiving Kaleidoscope services? Contact Kaleidoscope by email today!

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